“I Try to Take One Day at a Time, but Sometimes Several Days Attack Me at Once” – Ashleigh Brilliant
Most people have heard or read that quote, at least once, in the their life. I even have it on a bookmark in one of my favorite books since it pertains to me on more than one level.
These last two weeks I feel like I’ve been living the reality of that a little bit more than I have previously. I’ve been quite alone… but, not lonely.
Since my husband travels for work, sometimes I feel like I’m living with caffeine in one hand and my children in the other. This week has been especially challenging as we have been trying to organize finances for potentially buying a house, my step-son did not go to summer camp, and I’ve been determined to squeeze in a workout everyday.
After taking the kids to the beach on Monday, the local Children’s Museum on Tuesday, and to my mom’s to swim in the pool yesterday, I felt like I was fortunate to even get time for a shower last night! Since my youngest is 5 months old, I am still hesitant about taking both the boys places all by myself. Being only the biological mother of one, I have this fear due to my lack of prior experience. My irrational reasoning forces me to assume that my, unusually good natured, baby is going to wait until we get out in public and throw a fit about– well, anything. This week I have really pushed the limits of my OCD personality, shoved aside my perfectionism, and went with the flow. These three things are normally what makes me life’s “weakest link”.
My husband is a professional at taking things in stride and taking time to lay back. Opposites attract, or so they say, and that’s why he ended up with an anxiety ridden, prozac taking wife who (I might add) he treats like a princess. As they say, when you find a guy who makes you laugh everyday, believes in you, is ridiculously good-looking, and you couldn’t imagine life without him… MARRY THAT MAN! I did, and it was the best decision of my life. 🙂
But, really, the purpose of this post isn’t how dependent I am on the help of my husband or the fact that I admire him more daily for the fact that he can just ride the waves of life with so much ease. Although, those things are true, I am more proud of myself this week than anything. I didn’t wait around for anyone. I did what needed to be done, spent time with my family, cleaned the house, went grocery shopping… etc., without having to stop and think about the effort that I had to put forth in order to do it. That’s what really holds us back, isn’t it? It’s the over-thinking of the task at hand that makes us give up.
A year and a half ago, I got very sick (mentioned in another post) and, even though I tease that I lost a little of my mind/memory, I honestly think it’s true. After I started to recover, I was still very clingy toward my husband. I felt like I needed him for everything. Like, I was afraid to live life on my own from day to day. I started making lists of what I needed to do every day because I couldn’t remember anything or get motivated to do it even if I did remember. I suffered from panic attacks when I felt overwhelmed by things as simple as doing the laundry!
But, this week, I pushed past every limitation I’ve felt because of my imperfections and drew closer to who I am as a mom and to my step-son. The fact that he told me he wanted to hurry in the bath last night so that he could have more fun with me melted my heart. A sentence I know for a fact that his “real” mom has never heard.
So, my word to mom’s who suffer from any type of anxiety, depression, or obsessive compulsive personality disorders: Don’t give up on your responsibilities because they feel daunting today. I got 3 hours of sleep last night, no breakfast this morning, and my son has spent the entire morning watching animal planet. Some days will be better than others. Some days will be amazing. Hang on to those amazing days. Remind yourself how awesome you felt, how much you got accomplished, how your husband looked at you at the end of that day and use it to motivate yourself the next time you don’t have time for yourself to shower, or put make-up on, or get the dishes done. There is always tomorrow.