Starting out with a side note: I know that it’s been about a week since I updated with anything beauty/fashion related, AND it’s about time for September faves to be posted. But, it has recently occurred to me that although I incorporate “lifestyle” into my articles, I don’t often just go out on a limb and disclose a lot about myself, personally. So, I thought that it’d be fun to try something different every now and then; more as a release for myself that I hope you enjoy reading.
The words aren’t falling
out of my mouth in the same ways
Once they felt like water,
they leaked and rose
and baptized me new,
halo fresh without the glow.
They explode now,
confetti in a slight breeze
and I am racing around
to pick up the pieces.
-Tyler Knott Gregson
To be, to have, to think, to move…. Verbs float around us at all times, every day. They make up what we do; with our time, our minds, the people in our lives and so on. While I’d like to think many of these characterize me (because more than likely more than one defines us all) and I could sit here and ramble on about how I’m a dreamer, a thinker, a writer… It’s truer that I am one of those things more than the others. In all the I accomplish there is one verb-linked phrase that stands out and says who I am in all aspects of the journey to who I am as a wife, mom, volunteer, photographer, blogger, etc. To Speak.
I always have a hundred thousand things to say. I am verbose, at best. Impaired, at worst. Whether it’s actually a conversation I’m having, photo I’m editing, or even what you’re reading right now; my OCD, my passion, my unattainable wants, worries, and my hamartias flow with abundance when I speak.
That’s not to say that I’m overcome with confidence and blessed with an existence without insecurities. The reality of it is, I probably don’t think enough before my thoughts become words; formed and said or written or infused on/into whatever or whomever it is that I’ve made my target audience. And even more so, this is accurate as I have gone through this pregnancy. It’s as if I can’t help but express anything that pops into my mind. The chatter in my brain literally breaks out of me like a bomb that’s exploded and thrown shrapnel in all directions. On more than one occasion I have had to apologize for getting orally out of control.
The fact is, that although I’ve tried in the past to do the opposite, I speak because I want to speak. Not to be “heard” in the philosophical sense of it all and make a big statement in the world, or even to get an earful of myself. (You know, the mom expression, “You’re talking just to hear yourself”?) In all honesty, I just want to speak through whatever means I can because it’s a privilege and a right. It’s a common thread through which the entire world communicates regardless of language or barrier. For example, a person halfway across the world may not be able to read the caption to your photo on Instagram but, they can read the expressions of love on a set of new parents holding a baby in their arms.
My need to stand up for things I wanted to say was strongly entrenched in me from childhood. Granted, it also got me into a lot of (incidental) predicaments and heated discussions as the years have gone by. But, each time I have tried to change my personality and be someone who was reserved and “quiet”, I just couldn’t do it! It felt… wrong, in every aspect of the word. Instead, I am still learning the art of taming my tongue for the best instead of leaving it limp. Also, grasping the concept and joys of really listening to someone so that what I say in return is beneficial on both sides.
Speaking connects people. It’s what keeps us connected, even if we are the most isolated person. It can, unfortunately, be the thing that isolates us when we need to relate to others most. It defines our wishes, our conflicts, our internal wars, and desires. Talking doesn’t always involve words but, it includes emotions and affinity. Communication, even with those who have different viewpoints is valuable and is driven by strong feeling. Those feelings can be felt and interpreted into the right vocalization or visualization. Thank goodness, or I’d be a bundle of scribbles all over inside; things that were meant to be said or sang or typed that were unable to escape.
How about you? What verb describes you best? Are you a talker, too? Leave me your thoughts in the comments!
Happy Monday! ❤