Over the last 3 years, from marriage until now, I’ve come to think that terms like “quality time” and “bucket list” are for people who live in a fantasy land. Not many people I know, much less myself, are able … Continue reading
A lot of women say they have the best husband ever. I’m gonna be completely cliché and go with that exact same sentiment.
I have been extremely emotional this weekend. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I have been at home with the kids a lot lately due to my husband’s business travel. I read a pin on Pinterest the other day that said, “A strong woman can handle a busy man…” and I didn’t really know how to take that.
My husband, Jon, and I have been together for almost three years. We’ve been through a lot in those three years and I knew from the get-go that I was going to have to deal with his traveling. Anxious as I might be, I keep myself busy exercising, cleaning, and taking care of the kids. The 3-4 days that he is normally gone, usually go by pretty quickly. But, this weekend, I have specifically been dreading this week’s upcoming trip.
As a couple, and as friends (to each other and others), we have been going through numerous changes. Especially since our youngest was born, have we been feeling the effects of isolation and finding contentment and solace in each other’s arms. Our “friends” and acquaintances haven’t quite grown-up, although they are mostly in their mid-20s and early 30s. Most of them do not have the same values that we do and would rather drop their kids off at the in-laws and get drunk every weekend. — Hubby and I take our responsibility as parents very seriously; even more so, I think, because my step-son doesn’t live with us 100% of the time. So, the time we spend with him is something we want to be quality.–
Anyway… I have been so whiney and clingy and all over my husband this weekend. It seems like I can’t spend enough time with him, and when I do it’s like, we just plop down and watch a movie which involves basically NO talking at all. But, last night I broke down. How ever possible it may be that I have a moderate case of postpartum depression (PPD), I have been dealing with the loss of friendships, the trials of motherhood, and the feeling that my husband and I may be growing apart no matter how much we love each other. I cried and cried, and prayed, and talked about everything. About my lack of faith, my lack of motivation, my low self-esteem,… and let my husband just hold me and stroke my hair. It felt so good and relieving to just be open and not feel like I had to rush and get my thoughts out before we hopped on a plane again.
However, I woke up to the reality that tomorrow at 4:00 AM, he would be flying away from me and taking my heart with him. Being the wife that I am– always feeling like I need to be in complete control– with tears in my eyes, I begged him not to leave tomorrow then, immediately dismissed it and apologized profusely for asking. After all, a strong woman knows how to handle a busy man, right? Wrong. A strong woman knows when to tell her man she needs him, and right now, I need him.
Being the AMAZING person that he is– extremely patient and loving– he postponed his business trip for a week so that he could be home and take a virtual hiatus from the rat race of being a regional manager. We made plans to take our son mini-golfing before the first day of school and promised to make time for each other, reading, talking, and planning like we used to before I felt so tired and empty that I didn’t have anything left to give.
See, the one thing about Jon is that he is always out to make life better, more positive, and more family oriented. He is my anchor when I feel like the storm of life might just blow me away.
Gals, don’t every give up a man who makes you feel like life has a purpose. A man that makes you look forward to waking up in the morning and will make breakfast for your kids/take them to school just so you can get an extra hour of sleep. A man that’s not afraid to be blunt, or funny, or sensitive. It’s all worth it when a guy like that is by your side. ❤
Just to top it all of with whipped cream and a cherry, I went for a long interval speed walk/jog tonight (5 miles) while he watched the kids. I’ve felt like I’ve been at such a plateau in life lately, especially in my fitness. Taking my frustrations to the street and sweating them all out made me feel so weightless tonight. Like, I don’t have any energy to stress or worry and it’s a really ‘clean’ feeling.
What do you guys do when you’re stressed out? Anything in particular help you to wind down?
I find that there is nothing that a jog, a cocktail, and scrolling through a few pages of Pinterest can’t fix 🙂
“I Try to Take One Day at a Time, but Sometimes Several Days Attack Me at Once” – Ashleigh Brilliant
Most people have heard or read that quote, at least once, in the their life. I even have it on a bookmark in one of my favorite books since it pertains to me on more than one level.
These last two weeks I feel like I’ve been living the reality of that a little bit more than I have previously. I’ve been quite alone… but, not lonely.
Since my husband travels for work, sometimes I feel like I’m living with caffeine in one hand and my children in the other. This week has been especially challenging as we have been trying to organize finances for potentially buying a house, my step-son did not go to summer camp, and I’ve been determined to squeeze in a workout everyday.
After taking the kids to the beach on Monday, the local Children’s Museum on Tuesday, and to my mom’s to swim in the pool yesterday, I felt like I was fortunate to even get time for a shower last night! Since my youngest is 5 months old, I am still hesitant about taking both the boys places all by myself. Being only the biological mother of one, I have this fear due to my lack of prior experience. My irrational reasoning forces me to assume that my, unusually good natured, baby is going to wait until we get out in public and throw a fit about– well, anything. This week I have really pushed the limits of my OCD personality, shoved aside my perfectionism, and went with the flow. These three things are normally what makes me life’s “weakest link”.
My husband is a professional at taking things in stride and taking time to lay back. Opposites attract, or so they say, and that’s why he ended up with an anxiety ridden, prozac taking wife who (I might add) he treats like a princess. As they say, when you find a guy who makes you laugh everyday, believes in you, is ridiculously good-looking, and you couldn’t imagine life without him… MARRY THAT MAN! I did, and it was the best decision of my life. 🙂
But, really, the purpose of this post isn’t how dependent I am on the help of my husband or the fact that I admire him more daily for the fact that he can just ride the waves of life with so much ease. Although, those things are true, I am more proud of myself this week than anything. I didn’t wait around for anyone. I did what needed to be done, spent time with my family, cleaned the house, went grocery shopping… etc., without having to stop and think about the effort that I had to put forth in order to do it. That’s what really holds us back, isn’t it? It’s the over-thinking of the task at hand that makes us give up.
A year and a half ago, I got very sick (mentioned in another post) and, even though I tease that I lost a little of my mind/memory, I honestly think it’s true. After I started to recover, I was still very clingy toward my husband. I felt like I needed him for everything. Like, I was afraid to live life on my own from day to day. I started making lists of what I needed to do every day because I couldn’t remember anything or get motivated to do it even if I did remember. I suffered from panic attacks when I felt overwhelmed by things as simple as doing the laundry!
But, this week, I pushed past every limitation I’ve felt because of my imperfections and drew closer to who I am as a mom and to my step-son. The fact that he told me he wanted to hurry in the bath last night so that he could have more fun with me melted my heart. A sentence I know for a fact that his “real” mom has never heard.
So, my word to mom’s who suffer from any type of anxiety, depression, or obsessive compulsive personality disorders: Don’t give up on your responsibilities because they feel daunting today. I got 3 hours of sleep last night, no breakfast this morning, and my son has spent the entire morning watching animal planet. Some days will be better than others. Some days will be amazing. Hang on to those amazing days. Remind yourself how awesome you felt, how much you got accomplished, how your husband looked at you at the end of that day and use it to motivate yourself the next time you don’t have time for yourself to shower, or put make-up on, or get the dishes done. There is always tomorrow.